I’m an Architect. I’m the most interesting man in the room.

I’m wearing all black. I’m near sighted, but have compensated with extremely attractive and/or expensive eyewear. I have radical mood swings. But, only on the inside. You’d probably never know what I’m thinking. And, I’m sure I wouldn’t tell you.

I have excellent taste in …. almost everything. Just ask me. I am brooding right now. Over in the corner, sipping my cosmo (because I can pull that off). I’m not approachable, I’ve worked on that for years. I seem like I know things. Dark things. Perfectly aligned symmetrical things. But nothing about things that you want to talk about. I would rather talk about Richard Serra or Edward Hopper, or we could discuss Diebenkorn if you’d like. No, I am not going to talk about architecture. I never talk about architecture. We can talk about television. Mad Men? yes… Inside the Actors Studio? of course, but ideally Inspector Morse ca. 1988. Or we could just discuss cars.

Could you get me another Cosmo?

I have a beautiful wife, but I have no family, no children, no history, no connection to anything domestic. I don’t play golf. I have clubs, just in case. In the trunk of my Alfa Romeo

I work hard. No really, I work very hard. You think you work hard? You’re wrong. In fact, I’m working right now. I haven’t slept since 1984. I’m on my second decade of an all nighter. You have no idea. Your job is easy compared to mine. You don’t create, you produce. That’s easy. Right?

I spent a year in Europe studying under someone you’ve never heard of, who won a very prestigous award which you’ve also never heard of. This was my foundation for my “practice” I run today. I worked on a famous building you have also never heard of. I won an award for that too. I have a plaque with my name in fancy lettering in my office. I have a turtle neck. Not a “mock-turtle-neck” those are for writers or journalists.

Your tie is crooked. I noticed that when you first came over. I could fix that, but what’s the point really. Also, there were 17 canapes on that tray and only 16 had tooth picks in them. The mirror on that wall is slightly tilted. And, this part of the flooring is not orginal to the building. And, that sprinkler head is slightly off center.

And, seriously, go get me another cosmo…

I’m an Architect, I’m the most interesting man in the room.

Stay thirsty my friends { Coffee with an Architect }.

J

photos from John McNab’s photostream on Flickr – used under CC license