Wanted: 1 Architect to create and/or seal drawings for permit.

We have a “vague idea” of what the project will be and we would like someone to just “draw it up”. The project will certainly be an excellent addition to your portfolio, therefore there will be no fee. Please respond as soon as possible as construction has already begun. We will be needing an Architectural seal and someone to assume all legal liability for said “vague idea”. Architectural liability insurance with a minimum of 2 million dollars per occurrence is required. Our lawyers have insisted, and this point is not negotiable.

We would like the Architect to begin as soon as possible because we forgot that we needed an Architect to get through the permiting phase and that Asshole at the city has halted construction until we have “proper” drawings. Please provide all required documents to allow us to get the aforementioned City “official” off our case. Preference will be given to all Architects who possess any photographs of said city official in any embarassing and/or compromising positions. Seriously, who does he think he is? Afterall, we do have a “vague idea” of what we want to build. That was enough for the bank, so it should be enough for “City Hall”.

To save time and money, we would prefer to use students to complete the drawings, or perhaps unpaid interns. Again this is an excellent opportunity to build a professional resume, so an intern or student worker should be easy to acquire. They’ll be thrilled to help out.

The “Architect” will not be allowed to provide input into the design. As we said earlier, we have already established the parameters of the project within the aforementioned “vague idea”. All we need is drawings, I think they call them blueprints. Can you provide those please? and a seal?

We will be requiring a small deposit from the selected Architect which will be returned (minus expenses) at the completion of the work. Just in case you screw it up.

Just to repeat ourselves, we need that “work” completed yesterday. Seriously, we are behind schedule, why are you moving so slowly? The bank is planning to charge us interest soon. And of course, if this does happen, we will be taking that money out of your insurance deductible. I beleive this explains why we have required professional liability insurance.

In closing, we believe this is an excellent, limited, exclusive, and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for professional development. It will certainly lead to future work…. not with us mind you, but we are certain that other potential well-off clients will be exceedingly impressed with the work you do for us and will be more than willing to compensate you at or below your typical billing rate. You’ll be set for life.

So, Please send responses to the enclosed email. And, do it now, we don’t have a lot of time,

cover photo from Sister72’s photostream on Flickr (used under creative commons license)