This year, for Valentine’s day. I’m giving her the gift of Angst.

It won’t be wrapped in a fancy blue box from Tiffany. It’s just going to be left loose, you know, looking like it doesn’t care.

It will be dark and simple. It will come in black or clear. (Clear is a special order)

It’s designed by Enrique Norten and Paula Abdul.

It’s going to make her feel like there’s more there than there really is. It’s going to raise her expectations, and then eventually, she’s going to be disappointed, but, slightly intrigued.

She’s going to assume it’s amazing, and she’ll remember reading a glowing review of it in a fashion magazine, and she’ll think “man, I’m so lucky to have this”.

It’s going to be heavy, slightly callous, and elegantly designed. It will be platinum, with a simple silver chain. It will seem to secure her lonely empty soul, plus, she can use it as a paper weight.

There’s a chance she won’t like it. But it’s probably better to know that now. I wouldn’t want to get too far into this and then find out she doesn’t understand ironic self importance. That would just be sad.

I’ll leave the gift receipt with it, just in case she wants to return it to Anthropologie.

She’ll probably return it, I don’t really care.

J

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all photos are from BÜNDNIS 90/DIE GRÜNEN ‘s photostream on Flickr (used under creative commons license) or what-ev