I think I like my new office.
At the beginning of this year I had a minor meltdown. By the end of 2011, work was slow, which is nothing new really, but, it was slow enough to make me reconsider what I’m doing. I stopped really caring about architecture for a while. I just pushed through the jobs I had “on the boards”, and kept my head down.
When I get like this, I tend to set goals and milestones for myself. Like: “if things don’t improve by January, I’ll open a food cart instead.” Usually, things improve before I hit the self imposed deadline. But, when January 2012 came around, business was still slow.
Actually, I should clarify that a bit. I was busy. I just wasn’t doing what I loved. I can put my head down, and do the work that pays the bills with the best of them. But, by January, I was beginning to crack. I’ve been in business on my own since 2009, and three years of not feeling like you’re in control of your own destiny is a lot for me to handle. I tend to have big ideas. And, honestly, I can be sullen most of the time because I never really live up to my own expectations. But, something about January 2012 seemed different this time. I started to lose interest in design, which has NEVER happened to me, I started to worry about my frequent bouts of depression.
So, I changed a few things. Partly by design, but partly just by happenstance. I stopped renting an office downtown. I moved into my porch at my house, I started thinking of myself as a working father as much as a working architect. I stopped worrying if I missed a call at 4:00 because I was waiting for my kid’s school bus. I stopped working from 4:00-7:00 everyday so I could hang out with the kids and fix snacks and help them with their homework, and soccer, and piano. I started to enjoy cooking dinner every night.
I started to completely ignore architecture. Instead, I just worked hard on what was “on the boards”. And, then put it down to enjoy my life.
Now it’s 3 months later, and, I’m sitting out on my porch-office, with the windows open, listening to a gentle spring rain. I’m sitting here, simply, enjoying the cool air, enjoying the sounds of my family shuffling around in the rooms next to me, enjoying the calm, and the quiet. For the first time in years, I find myself thinking about my life just as it is, instead of how it might be. I’m not planning for another life sometime in the future, not anymore. I’m just here, right now, and exceedingly so.
(April 18th, 10:16pm)
I think I like my new office.
UPDATED: The office looks even better this morning:
