I woke today wondering if architecture causes depression.

I’ve had a challenging month. My depression has come back once every ten days or so. My meds have been overwhelmed by the incessant rain and gloom of late winter in the south. I’ve avoided sounds, and lights, and people. I’ve slept a lot. But today I woke up looking for something to blame.

Could the field that I’ve dedicated my life to be somewhat at the root of my mental illness?

More specifically, could creativity and depression be linked?

Does the same well that feeds my creative impulses occasionally overflow and engulf me in the murky waters of depression? Does creative output drain the well and undermine the foundations that were keeping me on solid ground?

Is there a link? Are they the same thing? Is it the same source?

In the worst of my depression, I feel separated from myself. I feel as if the world flows through me or around me like water around a stone in the stream. I feel as if I’ve sunk into a void with only the smallest of tether lines back to “normal”. But, it does feel like a place. A dark place. But, it has dimension and scale. It has an uncanny ability to pull me inwards. It has an attraction. It has a fascinating mysterious quality. It wants me to stay. Its forces are all aligned to pull me down, inwards. It’s in compression.

But, what if its energy could be reversed. Becoming expansive, lifting everything upwards, flowing outwards. Could the same well that drowns me every 10 days also feed my creative thirst?

Or maybe it’s just that creative people tend to run higher than average odds of having depression. Maybe the same longing and searching and questioning that comes with any creative endeavor leaves us more suseptible to the depths of depression.

Maybe architecture doesn’t cause depression. But, maybe the same paths that lead me to architecture and creativity in general also often branch off into depression.

Or it could just be the lack of sleep.

…

What do you think? Are creativity and depression linked?