Less is more. Congratulations, you have officially alienated 75% of the population. Now if you can make Less cost more? You’ll knock out another 23%. The remaining 2% are married to an Architect. Clearly, your practice is off to a good start. Reducing everything down to the purest, most elegant form is difficult, and only a truely gifted Architect can achieve that … Read More
The Ideal Client
. The ideal client should have a highly refined palate, insist on the finest appliances, and not cook. They should wear dark clothes, stand at the edge of the room, looking out the windows, considering the Architecture, pensively. They will appear “blurred” in all photographs, as if moving, and dynamic. The ideal client should value form over function. unless noted … Read More
Dear Mr. Architect, Please advise
Dear Mr. Architect, I would like to clarify a few things that you may have misunderstood during the design process. Please don’t get me wrong. In general we are very pleased with the house, ummm, I mean… “living-experiment”, (Did I get that right?) We’re just a little concerned about our marriage. Granted, we said we wanted an “open” and “airy” … Read More
Real Architecture hangs in a Museum
Real Architecture hangs in museums. Challenging the viewer. Bringing into question the status quo. Real Architecture is crafted from polymers and vinyl toys into the shape of societies resolve. But, it wavers, spreads itself about a stretched canvas of time and place, and reminds us of what we could have been. Real Architecture wraps itself around the fabric of the city and insists on … Read More
Crank call an Architect
Tomorrow is “Crank call an Architect Day”. It seriously is. I, in no way, have made that up. So, tomorrow when you get to work, pick up the yellow pages and turn to the “A’s”. Then throw the yellow pages in the recycling bin, because… you know, we have the internet now, and then just google “Architect’s in “insert your … Read More
4 inch diameter toddler heads
Recent advancements in Genetic Engineering may lead to drastic improvements in handrail design. . . Scientist in Norway have genetically altered the DNA of toddlers resulting in a minimum of 4″ diameter heads. Additionally, by splicing the Y chromosone, Toddlers can be prevented from climbing ladders. Architects around the world have already started redesigning handrails. “Finally, we can use horizontal tension rods for the handrails without … Read More
Rules for Surviving Studio
Architecture is hard, and your classes are going to be hard too. In fact, Architectural Studio 301 is going to break you. V.I.U.* isn’t interested in cranking out a profession full of p###ies. So, Studio 301 is going ride you hard and put you away wet. Then they’re going to call for a spot crit.. You can pin that sh#t up … Read More
Lars can’t sleep
Lars always worked too hard, trying to impress his boss. At 10pm on most days, Lars would be closing up his programs, and shutting down the computer. He’d dump the files onto his portable drive, just in case he wanted to touch up some of the details later that night. Svehn would usually be in early, looking over the interns shoulders … Read More
Architectural Statistics
If you were to line up all the Architects in the world end to end they would circle the globe 17.45 times. Architectural firms would then lay-off 202,175 interns to reduce the distance to an even 17 times around the globe. If you were to assemble the professional basketball players who will later become Architects, you would not have enough to play the game, and … Read More
Architectural Fortunes
As a creative person, I’m always thinking of new… “ideas”. Clearly, the Architecture thing is not working out. But, that’s cool, I’ve got plenty of other options that I’ve been working on in my free time. For example, in June, I should get the first run of my Architectural fortune cookies back from the bakery in China. I’m super exicited. Here’s … Read More
Designing an Architectural Masterpiece in 15 easy steps
. A guide to designing an Architectural Masterpiece: Step 1 – Come up with the original concept design Step 2 – Explore alternate ideas to the original concept design Step 3 – Have interns explore alternate ideas to the original concept design Step 4 – Discard all alternate ideas, summarily, and out of hand Step 5 – Deny any knowledge of the existence of … Read More
Architectural Behavior Disorder
. We didn’t know what to expect when we first met Dr. Kendricks. I mean, you don’t picture your life going this way. You’re supposed to get married, get a dog, buy a house, and start having kids. You imagine soccer games, and peanut butter sandwiches, and amusement parks. Sure, you know you’ll need to “man-up” and be the adult. You’ll need … Read More